If a man values the perceptions of othersmore than his perception of himself, then he will naturally behave in an unattractive way around them. If he trusts his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him, then he will be perceived as a non-needy man, and therefore behave attractively. All of the outward appearances of status and resources—the fitness, the nice clothes, the cool lifestyle—these things are a result of a man who is inwardly driven, a man who invests in himself and takes care of himself.
When all is said and done, all attractive traits in a man can be traced back to his lack of neediness.
Please note, I am NOT saying that a man should disregard the perceptions of others, or that he should trash or disrespect the perceptions of others—only that he should believe in his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him.
Neediness plays itself out in many forms. I imagine you’ll recognize at least a few of these examples (sorry in advance for some of the painful memories):
- Calling a woman many times in succession because she didn’t call you back and never getting an answer. NEEDINESS
- Straining to come up with a funny line or clever joke in order to impress a woman or to get her to like you. NEEDINESS
- Memorizing lines or routines to meet women and avoid rejection. NEEDINESS
- Accepting that if a woman doesn’t call you back that she probably wasn’t the right woman for you anyway. NON-NEEDINESS
- Lying to a woman to make yourself appear more interesting or attractive. NEEDINESS
- Expressing your sexual interests and desires openly and honestly. NON-NEEDINESS
- Hiding your flaws, accepting no criticism of yourself. NEEDINESS
- Being unafraid of exposing your flaws. Being comfortable with not being perfect. NON-NEEDINESS
- Feeling the need to be “dominant” or in control of an interaction at all times. NEEDINESS
- Resenting the women you date, or assuming they’re inferior or dumber than you. Treating them like children. NEEDINESS
- Treating women as equals, and having standards about only dating women who you enjoy and who make you happy. NON-NEEDINESS
- Investing in improving yourself for yourself, not to impress women or make people like you. NON-NEEDINESS
- Improving yourself only to impress those around you. Doing what you think will make people like you instead of doing what you like. NEEDINESS
You’ll notice that a number of the behaviors labeled “needy” above are behaviors taught in other dating advice as legitimate ways to attract women.