It’s no surprise then that status gets mentioned the most often in dating advice and pick up material. It’s ubiquitous, and yet there are a number of interpretations of what actually constitutes status. There’s outward status (money, resources, nice clothes) and behavioral displays of status (confidence, dominance, leadership). There are arguments on both sides of which drives which: does having money and prestige lead to confidence and leadership? Or does being a confident leader create wealth and prestige?
My personal belief is the latter. And not only is there some research supporting that women are attracted to potential statusas much as they are attracted to status itself, but I feel like I have a fair amount of experience in this area. For a period of time toward the end of college and the first two years afterward, I was dead broke, living on my friend’s couch for a period of time, unemployed (usually) and still going out and partying quite a bit. This didn’t slow me down. In fact, I attracted a significant number of older women who took me under their wing and wanted to support me during this period until I got on my feet.
I believe that status in a male is determined by his behavior. Outward displays of status can create opportunities (cars, money, nice clothes), but don’t create lasting attraction themselves. They are the effects of high status behavior, not the causes.
Sexual attraction from women is determined by status, status is determined by behavior, and what determines whether a man has attractive behavior or not is his perception of himself relative to those around him, particularly women. I refer to this concept as neediness and believe the degree of a man’s neediness around women will determine how attractive or unattractive his behavior around them will be.
For instance, a needy man may come up with really clever jokes and have a great job, but he will use them to impress her and get validation from her—needy behaviors—and will therefore be perceived to be unattractive. Whereas a non-needy man may talk about silly conversation topics, openly admit that he’s between jobs, but get very excited and passionate about his rock climbing hobby. Believe it or not, this man will be seen as attractive because his behaviors will be genuine, authentic, and non-needy. The reason is he’s basing his behavior around her on his perception of himself and not her perception of him.
The needy man, despite having a nice job and clever things to say, is a follower. He’s a pawn of those around him. He will only go so far. The non-needy man, even though he may be a bit aimless and in a downturn in his life, he will end up living an enriching and unique life that suits him and makes him happier.