Ever heard of negging? If not, the art of negging is an experiment in creating exciting emotional connections. It just might not seem like it.
In Google’s definition, you see negging as a backhanded compliment or insult, strategically designed to make another person question their own confidence and give you their approval.
But we think this too-literal interpretation doesn’t quite hit the mark. Negging is something even good friends do with each other.
Even if they’re not aware they do it. Nevertheless, ask someone if they respond emotionally to negs and they’ll probably say, “Hell, no, I don’t have low self-esteem; I’m confident in who I am.”
There’s an element of truth to that statement, but again it misses the mark. [Read: 55 secrets & self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]
What Negging Is *and Isn’t*
First things first, let’s get a clear picture of what negging is and, more importantly, what it isn’t. The term ‘negging’ has been thrown around a lot, often getting a bad rap for its misuse in some pretty manipulative dating tactics.
Historically, negging was seen in contexts where someone, typically a guy, would dish out a backhanded compliment or a low-grade insult to undermine someone’s self-esteem, particularly women. [Read: 90 VERY funny compliments you can use to flirt, flatter, and make them laugh]
The idea was to create an emotional imbalance, making the person feel the need to seek validation. Sounds pretty harsh, right? Well, it is, and it’s exactly why negging earned its negative connotations.
But here’s where it gets tricky. Negging isn’t just black and white. When done wrong, it can lead to significant emotional impacts and misunderstandings.
Imagine thinking you’re being playfully cheeky, but you end up making someone feel bad about themselves. That’s a surefire way to kill any potential connection, not to mention it’s just plain uncool. [Read: Backhanded compliment – what it is and the best ways to give it back]
So, how about we redefine negging? Let’s steer it away from its murky origins and closer to what we’d call playful teasing. This is where context and consent come into play.
It’s like the difference between a friend ribbing you about your quirky hat *all in good fun* and a stranger making a snide remark about it *not so fun*.
In the realm of dating and building connections, this kind of banter can actually be a great way to spark interest and excitement, but only if it’s done right. [Read: Playful banter – what it is, how to do it, and secrets to keep the flirty talk going]
Healthy banter is all about keeping things light, fun, and most importantly, respectful.
Why do we do it, you ask? Well, it’s kind of like how we were back in middle school, throwing around jokes and teasing each other. Only now, we’re a bit wiser, and hopefully, smoother.
Let’s talk about humor and its role in building connections. You know how sharing a laugh with someone just makes you feel closer to them? That’s not just good vibes – there’s some real psychology behind it. [Read: How to be funny – 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]
When we use wit and humor in our interactions, especially in the dating scene, it’s like we’re laying down a fast track to forming emotional connections. It’s all about finding common ground, sharing a moment, and letting our guard down.
Playful teasing, when it’s done right – and I mean with that fun, light-hearted spirit – can seriously boost emotional intimacy. It shows that you’re comfortable enough to joke around and not take everything so seriously.
Now, the real art of negging, or playful teasing, is balancing it with respect. It’s like a dance where both people need to be in sync. You’ve got to make sure that while you’re having fun, you’re not stepping on toes. [Read: 32 best ways to accept and respond to a compliment without feeling awkward]
This means understanding and respecting each other’s boundaries. It’s a two-way street; you’re both in this game of banter.
You need to be aware of how the other person is taking your jokes and be ready to ease up if you’re hitting a sensitive spot. And let’s not forget, respecting yourself is key too. Your self-esteem shouldn’t be taking hits just to keep the banter going.
The Truth About Negging Women
Actually, if someone can’t laugh at themselves a little, or be challenged in any way, that probably speaks more about their level of insecurity than if they were to laugh or exclaim in reaction to a neg. [Read: Insecure women – 54 signs, causes, things men do, and secrets to feel secure]
I remember a comedian—Joe Rogan—saying something like, “You know that I consider you a good friend if I make fun of you.” So think of negging as the Ying to the Yang in playful banter.
Negging Women the Right Way – With All the Right Negging Examples
If your aim is emotional domination or manipulation, then you’re way off my friend. If you aim at fun for both of you, now you’re on the mark.
Simply put, it can be exciting to engage in verbal and behavioral play. Always having to be agreeable is…boring. [Read: Nice guy syndrome: 42 “fake” things nice guys do & how to stop being one]
The following philosophies provide insight into how negging women can be a great way to create exciting chemistry, and how it can blow up in your face if done poorly. Enjoy!
1. Be the Doctor
As you’re talking to a girl, imagine you’re the doctor and she’s your patient.
Rather than being in her company to please her, you observantly assess and diagnose whether she’s healthy and note her quirks. This is a great mindset if you normally tend to be very agreeable. [Read: 35 really important questions to ask a girl you just met]
This pulls you out of the people-pleasing frame, into one where you actually “see” the girl, including her flaws and contradictions.
A great way to balance out agreeableness with discernment. You want the best girl for you, not just any girl.
2. Unleash the Beast
Lots of guys these days want to be women—to be as agreeable and similar as possible to their partner. But there’s a reason for gender distinctions! [Read: The alpha male: 65 traits of a real alpha man & true secrets to be one yourself]
She doesn’t want you to be a woman, otherwise she would be dating a woman. So, own your masculinity and be a little cocky at times.
Get out of the mental manipulation mindset. Instead use a negging as a way of showing the girl your more animal alpha side—the one without a mask.
Show her you’re not here just for her enjoyment, but that you’re an independent person with boundaries, standards, and opinions. [Read: Feminine guys: 60 signs, dating them & ways they’re defying the norms]
Negging can be an expression of the animal side of you. You sometimes actually do find things about any girl to be annoying, kooky, or goofy, and you naturally disagree with what she says at times.
The key here is just to be honest: unfiltered, transparent, blunt.
3. Neg Via Text But Put An x 
After
Okay, now we’re giving away keys to the kingdom. This one shouldn’t work as well as it does…but it does. We won’t say just how FAR you can go with it, but it gets pretty extreme. [Read: 58 texting secrets to text a girl you like and make her want and desire you]
Put an x after a text neg, so that she knows you’re having fun, rather than trying to score points by offending her.
Again, it’s letting her feel some of your inner beast–that you’re not someone who can be easily controlled, or just here to say the right things.
Negging examples:
Only two! *Invent your own. The point isn’t to replicate these line for line!* [Read: How to tease a girl over text & 15 ways to get her to flirt back]
-You remind me of the potato I had for lunch x *This one only really works if she’s hot and clearly confident in her level of attractiveness*
-Are you sure you went to school? x *Perhaps she’s sending you uncreative lazy text replies*
4. Apologize, Then Neg Her Again
The beast can’t be fully civilized. Sometimes a girl responds and likes your negs but suddenly reacts poorly to one. [Read: 15 sincere ways to apologize to your girlfriend and let her see you mean it]
Perhaps that neg went a bit too far, or she suddenly became aware that you were doing it and wanted to make a point. In this case, apologize sincerely and briefly.
Move on by changing the conversation, but later do it again. This is even better if you have a wry grin.
A common reaction might be that she punches you, giving you the “OMG, I’m outraged” expression, which means she’s enjoying it, even though she’s shocked that you persisted. [Read: 17 good and bad types of humor and how they affect your relationship with others]
5. Be Brief
In the words of Shakespeare, who was a master at the trickster or jester archetype, “brevity is the soul of wit.” So, don’t overdo a neg; less is more. Think of negging women as a single note amidst a large symphony of overtures.
Focusing too much on one note ruins the overall flow of an interaction. In other words, don’t rely on negging, just have it as one of the many tools you have in your arsenal. [Read: Shakespeare love quotes: 70 timeless words from The Bard to capture hearts]
6. Don’t Wait for a Reaction
Ever been out with a group of friends, but there’s this one person in the group who seems to be trying too hard to get a laugh?
He says something, and then looks around, in the hopes that he gets a good reaction. He’s totally self-conscious and not just engaging in banter for the fun of the group. It’s about him. This is a bad way to approach negging.
Focus on your own self-expression and what you create together. After you make a negging statement don’t wait for her reaction. [Read: How to be funny: 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]
Continue as normal and let the flow of conversation continue as if it never happened.
7. Notice Her Reactions
Some girls get too many compliments and cease to notice them. Or this could be the case for a bunch of other psychological reasons, such as father issues.
My general philosophy is to accept the person for who they are, rather than trying to change them. Working with their quirks in a way that makes communication an experience rather than a formality.
Negging Reaction Examples
Some negging reaction examples and what they mean:
-If she laughs outrageously when you neg her, this means she’s emotionally receptive. Crank it up and throw in more similar neg spikes but don’t overdo it, as it becomes predictable. Look for the genuine things that are quirky about her.
-If she gets emotional in a less positive way this means she’s affected.
You can still possibly use negs, but use them more sporadically and make sure you have a smile in your eyes and that you’re having fun. When you go too far, say sorry and move on to another topic.
-If she stays neutral, you may have a girl with a very balanced personality, so much less in the way of negs works out as more. [Read: Daddy issues: 36 signs, how it affects you & ways to overcome it as a couple]
8. Always Have Fun
Or don’t do it. This one is so important I had to capitalize it. Generally, a bit of playful ‘push, pull’ is a great way to keep any relationship healthy.
If you always agree, chances are you don’t have a healthy relationship because you’re not being honest with one another.
But if you neg women to make yourself feel good by making her feel bad, it comes across as resentful, bitter, needy, manipulative, or whatever. Think of neg game more like bantering with a friend, for the fun of both. [Read: How to flirt with a girl: 54 secrets & 41 examples to make a woman blush]
9. Reframe Her Frame
Whoever holds the frame holds the authority…
Negging examples:
Say you’re at a restaurant with a girl and you’re chowing down on some food:
Her to you: “You’re a slob.”
You to her: “We are all slobs by comparison, your Grace.” Give a curt bow. As the server approaches, “Please, could I order something for the Princess.”
The key—silly, self-amused, and not reactive. If you find it funny, then it’s good. [Read: 12 types of humor and how it affects relationships]
10. Mix It Up
Think of negs as spikes in an otherwise sunny afternoon. If the whole day was filled with spikes it would be awful. However, a little bit of pepper and salt spices up a good cut of steak.
11. The Takeaway
Imagine you shower a girl with engaged conversation and attention. Suddenly she stops making an effort to continue the conversation or seems distracted.
In this situation, you could just work harder. But a neg in the form of a ‘take away’ means you take away from her certainty that you’re into her no matter what she does. [Read: 30 medieval insults and renaissance roasts and burns to try on your freniemies]
Negging examples:
-Start looking around, focusing elsewhere, when she becomes too comfortable. This is a good way of making her less certain of how much she’s won over your attention.
-If she’s attractive or super-hot, agree with her when she tells you about some physical feature she’s insecure about. She’s probably already waiting for you to say, “No, no, no! Are you crazy? You’re stunning!”
-Pull away after showing her lots of attention and engaged conversation, so that she misses it. She’ll work to get back into your good books. [Read: Attraction theory: What it is & 4 factors that make you desirable to others]
12. Be Willing to Fail
When you learn new forms of communication there’s an element of experimentation.
So, treat every conversation as an information-gathering exercise and practice, rather than a high-stake, win-lose situation. If your approach isn’t effective overall you can still gain lots of experience. [Read: Fractionation seduction: What it is & how guys use emotions to seduce]
Cautions and Considerations in Using Negging as Banter
So, you’ve got your negging game plan and you’re ready to charm your way into your crush’s heart. But hold up a sec, bro! There are a few things you have to keep in mind before diving in.
Negging, even when it’s all in good fun, is like walking a tightrope. One wrong step and you’re in hot water.
Here are 10 key cautions to remember to make sure your negging doesn’t go south.
1. Know Your Audience
Not everyone gets a kick out of playful teasing. Some people might take your comments the wrong way. [Read: 37 secrets to read people by their body language and expressions instantly]
Before dropping a neg, get a sense of their humor style. If they’re not into sarcastic or teasing humor, it’s better to steer clear.
2. Context is King
Timing and setting matter a lot. Dropping a neg at a casual hangout? Might be cool. But at a formal dinner or a serious event? Not so much. Read the room, dude.
3. Avoid Sensitive Topics
This one’s crucial. Steer clear of topics that can hit a nerve – like appearance, family, personal issues, or anything they’re self-conscious about. The last thing you want is to accidentally hurt someone’s feelings. [Read: How not to hurt people’s feelings – the 20 golden rules you need]
4. Balance is Essential
It’s all about give and take. If you’re the only one dishing out playful insults, it’s not fun, it’s just you being a jerk. Make sure they’re throwing some playful jabs back at you too.
5. Check Their Reactions
Keep an eye on how they’re taking your comments. If they’re not laughing or they seem uncomfortable, you’ve probably crossed a line. Time to switch gears and lighten the mood.
6. Don’t Overdo It
Even the best negs can get old if you’re constantly using them. Mix it up. Have normal conversations too. Constant negging can be exhausting and off-putting. [Read: 84 Intellectual, deep, conversation starters and topics to bond with anyone]
7. Self-Deprecation Helps
Throwing in some humor at your own expense can balance things out. It shows you don’t take yourself too seriously and keeps the playing field level.
8. Never Use Negging to Manipulate
This is a big no-no. Negging should never be used as a tool to lower someone’s self-esteem or to manipulate them into liking you. That’s just not cool, man.
9. Be Ready to Apologize
If you accidentally step over the line, be man enough to apologize. A simple “Hey, I was just kidding, I didn’t mean to offend you” can go a long way. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to apologize and say you’re sorry to someone you love]
10. Remember, It’s About Fun
The whole point of negging in this sense is to create a playful vibe. If it’s not fun for both of you, then it’s not worth it. Keep it light, keep it fun, and keep it respectful.
Negging Can Add a Spark
In dating and building connections, showing your playful side through light-hearted teasing can indeed add a spark. It’s about being engaging, showing your wit, and sharing a laugh.
But remember, like any good thing, there’s a fine line. Overdo it, and you risk being more of an annoyance than an attraction. It’s all about balance and being in tune with the other person’s feelings and reactions.
[Read: Witty banter – what it is and 15 secrets to talk witty and make people laugh]
Ultimately, using negging wisely is key. It’s a tool, not a strategy, and certainly not a guarantee. When wielded with care, respect, and a genuine sense of fun, it can open doors to deeper, more meaningful connections.
The post Negging: Its Philosophy, How to Neg Women & Where You Could Go Wrong is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.