Got a big crush on someone, but he still hasn’t asked you out? It’s not 1950 anymore. So, here’s why girls should ask men out directly.
Why should girls ask men out directly? It’s hard to know what dating expectations are these days. Gender roles are blurred more than ever. So, is it okay for girls to ask men out directly? Absolutely!
We have been raised in a society that expects us women to be all sweet and soft. Sure, it’s a gender stereotype everyone has come to expect from each other, but times are changing. Women have now come a long way from just being the sweet and soft gender into a full-blown force of nature, which I argue we’ve always been all along.
Still, even though women have come a long way, there are still expectations for us to be the gender that waits for the opposite sex to come hollering first.
Well, there are now thousands of strong women out there who take their love lives into their own hands, and there are a lot of reasons why you should do so, as well. [Read: Do guys like it when girls make the first move? 18 truths & steps]
The Psychology of Taking Initiative
Girlies, you might be thinking, ‘If he wanted to, he would, right?’
But when it comes to why girls should ask men out directly, there’s more to it than just breaking old dating norms. It’s about stepping into a role of empowerment and reshaping your relationship dynamics.
In psychology, ‘agency‘ refers to the feeling of being in control of your actions and their outcomes. [Read: 35 super confident ways to be a bitch, own it, and take charge of your life]
Imagine this: you see someone you’re interested in. Instead of waiting and wondering, you take the leap and ask them out.
This is agency in action. You’re not just a bystander in your love life, you’re actively shaping it. This sense of control is incredibly empowering and does wonders for your confidence.
It’s about asserting your wants and needs in a relationship, and in doing so, you gain a boost in autonomy that spills over into other areas of your life.
Now, let’s talk about something called Self-Efficacy Theory, introduced by psychologist Albert Bandura. It’s a concept that explains how our belief in our capabilities influences how we approach goals and challenges.
When it comes to dating, believing that you can successfully ask someone out and manage whatever comes next is a game-changer.
Each time you take such an initiative, your self-efficacy—the belief in your ability to handle dating scenarios—grows. It’s like a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
So, when you ask a guy out, you’re not just potentially setting up a great date; you’re reinforcing to yourself, ‘I can do this.’ [Read: Can a girl ask a guy out before he asks her out?]
This belief in your abilities has a wonderful ripple effect. Positive experiences, like a great date or the simple pride in having tried, reinforce your self-belief. This increased self-efficacy leads to taking more initiatives in dating and, more broadly, in life.
Why Girls Should Ask Men Out Directly
Here are a few reasons why women need to take control of their dating game, and quit waiting around for the guy to make the first move.
For Women
Why though? Why should you step out of your comfort zone and ask him out directly? Well, strap in for some eye-opening revelations! [Read: How to broaden your horizons and get out of your comfort zone for good]
We’re about to dive into a world where you’re not just a participant in your love story, but the confident director calling the shots.
1. Emotional Intelligence Masterclass
When you ask a guy out directly, you’re practicing open communication and emotional honesty. It’s a crash course in understanding and expressing your feelings clearly.
This not only helps in the initial stages of a relationship but also builds a strong foundation for long-term emotional intelligence. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up, and 28 secrets to grow closer]
You’re learning to navigate your emotions and communicate them effectively, which is a key skill in any successful relationship.
2. Bye-Bye, Detective Work
Ever spent hours analyzing texts or social media posts, trying to decode if he’s into you? By asking him out, you cut through this uncertainty.
It’s empowering to take control rather than over-analyzing every interaction. [Read: Does he like me? 101 subtle signs and body language clues guys just can’t hide]
This direct approach can significantly reduce dating-related stress and anxiety, leaving you more relaxed and confident in your love life.
3. The Respect Revolution
When you show the courage to ask someone out, it sets a tone of mutual respect from the outset. It shows you value yourself and have the confidence to go after what you want.
Men often find this self-assuredness attractive, and it can lead to a relationship where both parties feel valued and respected. [Read: 55 Secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]
4. Social Butterfly Training
Initiating a date requires a blend of social skills like communication, assertiveness, and empathy. Each time you ask someone out, you’re honing these skills.
It’s not just about dating; these are transferable skills that will benefit you in all social interactions, whether in friendships, networking, or even career opportunities.
5. Creates Memorable Stories
Whether it’s a yes or a no, asking someone out directly leaves you with memorable stories. These experiences can be fun to share with friends and even laugh about later. [Read: Online dating woes – 8 most common Tinder horror stories]
Each story is a learning experience, a tale of bravery, and a step towards finding the right person. Plus, these stories can be incredibly empowering, showing you and others just how bold and adventurous you can be in your dating life.
6. Living Your Values, Loud and Proud
If you’re someone who values honesty, directness, and taking control of your life, why not apply these principles to your dating life? By asking men out directly, you align your romantic actions with your core values.
This approach ensures you’re true to yourself, and likely to attract someone who appreciates and shares these qualities. [Read: 33 Secrets to be true to yourself and 15 signs you need to unfake your life]
7. You Will Have the Power Over the Relationship
Wouldn’t it be nice to have the stronger say-so in a relationship for once? Why not be the powerful one who gets to decide where the relationship will lead, instead of just being the one who waits for the guy to actually take you seriously?
8. Take Charge of Your Dating Options
We are no longer in the Victorian era. Those women waited on the whims of men! We are well into the 21st century, where girls can now say whatever they want directly to any man’s face.
Gone are the days when women depended on men for money, family, or life decisions. The more you seek out your men proactively, the better the chances you have of snagging your perfect match! [Read: 64 best places to meet men & ways to find your perfect attractive, eligible guy]
9. No More Waiting. If You Want Him, Go Get Him
Sure, it’s scary. But wouldn’t it be exciting, exhilarating, and challenging, too? Imagine the feeling of accomplishment and happiness you’d get if he actually says yes?
There’s a reason why guys like the chase: it’s addicting. Why shouldn’t women have that, too? [Read: Why won’t he ask me out? 27 reasons & how to get him to make a move]
10. Your Crush Probably Won’t Notice You Exist
We’ve all seen those teen movies, where the nerdy but cute girl stays behind a curtain of regular clothing, heavy books, and thick spectacles, and then near the end, there would be some sort of a dance that will then transform her into a princess in the boy’s eyes.
That only happens in movies, and you know it!
The simple fact is if you want your crush to notice you, he won’t, unless you tell him directly. If he still doesn’t want you, he’s not worth pining over. Move on, and look for another crush to stalk! [Read: 39 secrets to get your crush to notice you & stages to get their attention]
11. If He’s Gorgeous, He’ll Probably Be Taken Again Before He Even Has Time to Look at You!
Gorgeous, marriage material guys are getting harder and harder to spot in their twenties. If you happen to meet an interesting one who seems to be available, grab that opportunity, and present yourself to him as a gorgeous girlfriend-to-be option!
Dilly-dallying will only get you beaten by the next girl to have noticed him. So why wait? If he snubs you, too bad, but no harm done, right? [Read: Dating rules to be a good date & must-know toxic habits to avoid]
If you want your guy friend to notice that you want to be more than just friends, girl, you need to tell him. Otherwise, you’ll both probably end up parting ways, and he’ll remain just as clueless. [Read: How to make a guy like you: Sweet ways to catch his eye and heart]
12. No Matter How You Dress Up, They Won’t Know it Was For Them If You Don’t Actually Tell Them
The worst thing about it is that they will probably assume that you get all dolled up every day, just so all the boys notice you.
And they won’t even consider that it’s only one boy *the oblivious idiot you actually like* that you were trying so hard to impress all along.
13. Women Who Are Go-Getters Get the Better Men!
Men who love women who know what they want tend to be more of a man than any other male species. Only a strong guy’s-guy can handle a tough chick. It’s actually a simple logic. [Read: 24 ways to be a strong independent woman all men love and desire]
If a girl wants a man who can handle how strong she is, she needs to go get him herself to prove that he’s man enough to handle a go-getter.
14. Asking Directly Shows the Guy That You Mean Business, and That You Don’t Scare Easily
Women who are bold enough to ask a guy out directly will be a challenge to guys. Men who respond to that tactic will know you mean business, and that you are one hell of a girl to say no to.
It would definitely remind the guy who they are dealing with, and not to mess with you if they’re just planning to play with you. [Read: 27 traits to make a woman attractive to men and secrets that scream hot stuff]
15. Girls Who Know What They Want Get What They Want
Angelina Jolie wanted THE Brad Pitt, the hottest-male-species-alive BRAD PITT. She didn’t let Jennifer Aniston get in her way.
Cheating may not have been a good way to get what she wanted, but she definitely knew what she wanted. She presented herself as a strong woman who wanted to get the sexiest man alive for herself, and was fearless enough to have let him know it, and he responded!
So go find yourself your own Brad Pitt, ladies. [Read: How to ask a guy out like a classy girl and leave him wanting more]
16. If You Remain in the Shadows, You’ll Probably Be There for a While – And for a While, We Mean Forever
We don’t mean to be dramatic, but once you allow yourself to think that the shadows are where you belong, the truer it gets! Confidence, ladies!
Being a wallflower is fine when you’re still in high school trying to find yourself and still feel hesitant to show your colors. But being a wallflower in your twenties is just a bit of a letdown to our gender!
Go get them! We assure you, there is not one reason big enough for you to remain hidden in the shadows waiting for Mr. Right to come rescue you. [Read: Damsel in distress – why men find women who ask for help irresistible]
17. If He Rejects You, Experience Learned. Brush it Off, Move On, and Be Happy That You Now Know He Isn’t Into a Hottie Like You!
You won’t die if he rejects you. Not even if you stop eating because of him! It’ll feel pretty painful if he rejects you. But so what?
Just think about this: in ten years, you’ll be laughing at yourself for being so affected. Experiencing pain is not a reason enough to not go try and get what you really want.
18. Women Have the Power Now. Who Run the World? Girls!
To borrow Beyoncé’s words, we run the world, girls. So, act like it! Girl power is a real thing. Asking men out to date you may seem like a freaking humiliating thing to do. [Read: How to take care of yourself as a woman – 19 ways to power yourself]
But when you think about it really hard, why is it embarrassing? I can’t think of one valid reason that makes it shameful or demeaning to women.
Asking people out shows we don’t rely on others’ opinions of us. It shows we are secure enough to be ourselves, confident enough to face a man and say “I like you and I want to get to know you. Would you want the chance to get to know me?”
For Men
Sure, the ladies are stepping up their game, but guess what? It’s a win-win scenario! Guys too have plenty to gain when women take the lead in the dating dance. [Read: How to be dominant – 20 calm and firm ways to be the real alpha]
From breaking down stereotypes to enriching their emotional lives, here’s why the gents should be rooting for this shift in dating dynamics.
1. Guys Will Find It Refreshing to Be Wooed for a Change
Most guys who like their women strong will respond positively to women who are go-getters. So the more you become strong enough to ask guys out, the more manly men gravitate toward you.
If the dudes you like respond negatively, then they may be looking for the soft and sweet type of women, and that’s all right. [Read: Dominant girlfriend – the pros and cons of dating a woman in control and how to handle it]
If you had the guts to ask him out only to get bad results, it’s a sign that your personalities will clash soon enough, and you’re better off with someone else.
2. Guys Need to Be Clued in Most of The Time
It’s like they really are from a different planet! If you don’t blurt it out to them, they won’t have a clue. Dudes are oblivious to girls who are totally in love with them. Men practically invented the friend-zone!
3. Boosts Self-Esteem
When a woman asks a man out, it’s a huge compliment. It boosts his self-esteem knowing he’s caught someone’s eye. [Read: High self-esteem – 33 slow signs, what hurts self-worth, and secrets to pump it]
This kind of validation can be a real mood lifter, reinforcing his sense of self-worth and attractiveness. It’s a reminder that desirability isn’t just a one-way street.
4. Encourages Emotional Openness
Traditionally, men aren’t encouraged to be as emotionally open as women. But when a woman takes the initiative, it can create a space for men to be more emotionally expressive.
It challenges the stoic male stereotype, allowing men to engage more openly and authentically from the get-go. [Read: Female-lead relationship – how FLRs work and 21 pros when ladies lead in love]
5. Reduces Pressure to Perform
There’s a lot of pressure on guys to be the initiators in dating. When a woman asks a man out, it takes off some of that pressure.
This relaxation can lead to a more genuine connection, as he’s not constantly trying to impress or guess what she wants.
6. Broadens Perspectives on Gender Roles
When women make the first move, it challenges traditional gender roles. [Read: Roles in a relationship – the psychology, 20 types and 30 secrets to balance them]
Men get to experience a different dynamic, one where roles are more fluid and less prescribed. This can be eye-opening and contribute to a broader understanding and respect for gender equality.
7. Increases Chances of Compatibility
Women who are bold enough to ask men out are likely clear about what they want. This transparency can lead to better compatibility, as there’s less guesswork involved.
Men get to interact with women who are confident in their choices, potentially leading to more fulfilling relationships. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and ways to fix it]
8. For Great Stories
Just like women, men appreciate a good how-we-met story. Being asked out by a woman can make for a unique and memorable story, one that defies the usual narrative. It adds a dash of excitement to their dating life and makes a great tale for friends.
9. Signals Clear Interest
Sometimes, guys struggle with reading signals. A woman asking them out directly eliminates this confusion. It’s clear and straightforward, ensuring that he knows she’s genuinely interested, and he can proceed without second-guessing her intentions.
10. Promotes Equitable Relationships
When a woman asks a man out, it sets a precedent for equality in the relationship. [Read: Do we really need a life partner? 44 truths, pros and cons to guide your life]
It suggests a partnership where both parties can take the lead and make decisions. This can pave the way for a relationship based on mutual respect and balanced power dynamics.
How to Ask Men Out Directly
Better said than done, right? But we got you! Stepping up to the plate and asking someone out sounds like a bold move in theory, but when it comes down to it, those words can feel like they weigh a ton.
Don’t sweat it, though! We’re about to spill all the secrets on how to make that first move without losing your cool. [Read: 24 tips and secrets to ask a guy out over text casually and hang out in no time]
1. Confidence Is Key, But It’s Okay to Be Nervous
Remember, it’s totally normal to feel butterflies. Channel that nervous energy into enthusiasm. Stand tall, make eye contact, and remember: the worst thing they can say is no. And hey, if they do, it’s their loss, right? You’re a catch!
2. Start with Casual Conversation
Ease into it. Don’t launch into a grand proposal out of the blue. Chat about common interests, the environment you’re in, or something you both find funny. This breaks the ice and makes the asking-out part feel more natural.
3. Be Clear and Direct
Ambiguity in asking someone out is like a poorly written instruction manual – confusing and frustrating. Be straightforward. [Read: 37 exciting signs to tell if someone likes you without asking them directly]
A simple, “Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?” is clear and to the point. Plus, it shows you mean business and respect their time.
4. Use the Power of Body Language
Non-verbal cues speak volumes. Lean in a bit, smile, and maintain comfortable eye contact. These signals can convey your interest before you even say a word. But remember, respect personal space – no invasion of the personal bubble!
5. Plan Something Specific, But Flexible
“Do you want to hang out sometime?” is vague. Instead, try, “Are you free to check out that new coffee shop on Saturday afternoon?” [Read: How to ask a guy to hang out and make him want to even if you’re shy]
It shows you’ve put thought into it and makes it easier for them to say yes. But be open to rescheduling – flexibility is attractive!
6. Humor Is Your Friend
A light joke or a witty remark can ease tension. It shows your playful side and makes the whole scenario less intimidating for both of you. Just keep it light – now’s not the time for your stand-up comedy debut.
7. It’s Okay to Be Digital
In the age of social media and texting, it’s perfectly fine to ask someone out digitally, especially if that’s how you’ve been communicating. [Read: Why don’t guys ask me out? 18 true reasons that may hold the answer]
A cute, clever text can be just as effective as asking in person. Bonus: it gives you time to think about what to say.
8. Prepare for All Responses
Hope for a yes, but be prepared for a no. If they’re not interested, handle it with grace and humor. A simple “No worries, had to ask!” keeps things light and shows maturity. Plus, you’ve just practiced bravery – go you!
9. Follow Up, But Don’t Overwhelm
If they say yes *yay!*, follow up with details, but don’t bombard them with messages. Keep the excitement alive without putting on the pressure. It’s a delicate balance between showing interest and playing it cool. [Read: 27 Cool ways to ask someone to hang out over text and not sound needy]
10. Keep it fun
Remember, girlies, asking someone out is about showing your interest and seeing if they reciprocate. It’s not a do-or-die mission.
Keep it fun, be yourself, and no matter the outcome, you’re one step closer to finding that special someone. And who knows? They might just be wondering why girls should ask men out directly – and you’re about to show them why!
Queens Do What They Want!
So girls, the next time you hesitate when asking a guy out, think of yourselves as queens. Queens do what they want, and queens want men to know they are powerful enough to take control of any situation, including love.
[Read: How to ask a guy out like a classy girl & leave him wanting more]
Now you know why girls should ask men out directly. Women need to make the first move on guys if they want to get what they want. Girls need to let the opposite sex know that we can also be strong enough to seek guys out, without fear of rejection. The female population needs to stop waiting and start doing!
The post 28 Reasons Why Girls Should Ask Men Out Directly & 10 Queen Moves To Do It is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.