You may think you’re sweet and caring but are you unknowingly doing things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt? Read these signs.
When it comes to one party using another, it’s usually the woman who complains about being used. This is no longer the case. Perhaps it’s just because most men are too embarrassed to say out loud about the things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt. Society keeps pushing the importance of men being men onto us, and this may be why we don’t usually hear much about men feeling taken for granted.
I sat down with Seth, Kumar, and Rich, three guys in relationships that vary between 6 months and 8 years, and asked them to list some things that their girls do to make them feel used.
Before we proceed, let’s be clear here: although this list was curated by men, I am a woman who is sharing what I learned with all of you other women out there. It is very important to pick out and address the problems faced by your male counterparts. You’ll be surprised at how similar their problems are to ours. [Read: Women’s relationship issues that all men must know]
Men Don’t Feel Hurt?
You’ve probably heard that old belief that guys are like rocks when it comes to emotions, right? Well, it’s high time we brushed off that stone-age thinking and took a closer look at what’s really going on with guys and their feelings.
First off, let’s dive into the psychology behind men’s emotional responses. It turns out, men are just as capable of deep emotional experiences as women.
They feel, they hurt, and yes, they can feel used and hurt by things girls do, just like anyone else. Their emotional landscape is rich and complex; it’s just often buried under layers of societal expectations.
Speaking of those expectations, society has long had a script for how men should act: strong, unemotional, and always in control. [Read: What Is masculinity? 46 manly & toxic traits women love & despise in men]
But let’s be real, that’s not only unfair, it’s pretty unrealistic. This pressure can lead guys to bottle up their feelings, making it seem like they’re immune to emotional pain. Spoiler alert: they’re not.
To make it more relatable, imagine hearing personal stories from guys about their emotional experiences. Picture a guy sharing how he felt used when his efforts in a relationship were taken for granted, or how mixed signals left him feeling confused and hurt.
These are real emotions, coming from a place that’s often kept hidden due to fear of judgment or appearing weak.
We’re All Cut From the Same Material
The saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus may be true, to a point, but at the end of the day, we’re all here on Earth trying to make each day with our lovers count.
Relationships aren’t easy, and I will be the first one to admit it. An open line of communication is very important, and so is taking the time to clear your head and sort out how to improve your relationship—because let’s be honest here, partnerships are a work in progress. [Read: Being taken for granted? 71 BIG signs, why it happens & ways to stop them]
Are you ready to find out more? Well, here are the things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt:
1. He Does All the Driving
This is the number one complaint that I got from the boys. Apparently, some women act handicapped the second they’re asked to take the wheel.
One of the boys got dumped for saying, “Bitch, you can drive, so do it!” Well, we can see why harsh words didn’t get him anywhere but the struggle is real. Ladies, offer to drive next time you go out, okay?
2. He Gets Blamed For Everything
Some women act like they can’t be faulted for anything. Late for the movie? It’s his fault. Missed dinner reservations? It’s his fault. Lost an earring? It’s his fault.
Blaming your man will definitely make him feel like you’re using him, so stop doing it! Yes, there are times when it’s his fault—but even so, there’s no need to make him feel bad about it. Imagine if the tables were turned. Would you enjoy being constantly blamed? [Read: How to stop being toxic: Steps to not be bitter or blame others]
3. He Always Pays
If you have cash, use it. Don’t hoard all your money, then blow it on nail polish and waxes. Ladies, even if your man makes more than you, there’s no reason why you can’t treat him once in a while.
In fact, if he makes more than you, you have all the more reason for offering to pay, as it shows off your independence.
4. He Has to be Sexually Responsible
Men also feel like they’re being used when they have to be the one responsible during play time. We know that it’s the norm for the man to take care of the condoms and all that jazz, but ladies, you have to step up to the plate too.
A funny example shared was one where a man’s girlfriend required him to text her at the same time everyday to remind her to take her birth control pill.
Seriously? Girl, why not just set a reminder on your phone and do it yourself? According to her, “He should be just as responsible as me, so this is the least he can do.” Right.
5. She Just Lies There
Men will also feel used when they have to do all the work during sex. Some girls just lie there and don’t do much. Girls, if he wants to screw a doll, he will.
However, he’s screwing you, so get on top once in a while and show him what you’ve got. [Read: Turn offs for guys: 72 physical, dating & sexual put offs all men notice & dislike]
6. He Plans It All
There is no denying that it requires far more brainpower for men to plan a date than women. There’s a chance that he will feel exhausted just planning what to have for dinner, so don’t make him feel used and make an effort to take a load off his shoulders.
Whether it’s planning what to do over the weekend, or figuring out the future, make an effort to be actively involved in planning.
7. She Turns on the Tears
All three guys said that a woman turning on the waterworks makes them feel used. I suppose it all depends on the situation. For example, if someone dies, ladies, go ahead and cry. If he cheated, please cry the night away.
If he forgot to put the toilet seat down yet again, or if he left his socks on the stairs, don’t even think about tearing up.
Some women use tears as a way to guilt trip their men into doing things for them—and this has to stop right now. You make all the other real women out there look bad. [Read: Drama queen diva: 43 signs she’s one, causes & must-know tips to date her]
8. She Strings Him Along
Of course, anyone would feel used if their partner strung them along. Women are used all the time in this sense, but either way, it sucks being the one with the short end of the stick.
An example is when a woman leads a man on and makes him think he’s special when, in fact, she has two other guys on the side. Be honest about the state of your relationship.
9. She Yells at Him for Making an Effort
Alright girls, it’s totally normal to lose your temper once in a while, but if your man messes up trying to do something nice for you, you have no right to flip out.
An example from one the guys interviewed was about how his girlfriend yelled at him for putting her underwear and socks in the same load of laundry.
Her rationale behind it was that feet germs should not mix with underwear germs. Not only does she need to address this psychotic form of OCD, but she also has to learn to appreciate the fact that he tried to do something nice for her, and not just focus on the negative. [Read: 72 sweet, cute things to say to your boyfriend & make him really happy]
10. She’s Too Dependent
When one partner relies heavily on the other for financial support, it can create feelings of imbalance in the relationship.
If a woman is consistently dependent on her male partner to “bring home the bacon,” it can lead to him feeling overly burdened and, at times, used. Financial dependence can strain not only the purse strings but also the emotional ties of the relationship.
11. She Points Out His Flaws
Another thing that girls do to make their guys feel used is point out their flaws. Complaints such as him not being muscled enough, not lasting long enough during sex, not being romantic enough, and so on are very common.
Girls, the problem is that guys will take this the wrong way and think that you’re criticizing them—which, in a way, you are. He’ll think that because you’re not satisfied with him as a person, you have an ulterior motive for being with him and thus, are using him.
12. She Doesn’t Show Appreciation
Ladies, here’s a little secret: men are secretly divas inside, and want to be shown that you care about them. There’s no need to go to the moon and back to prove your love.
All they need is a simple show of affection every now and then, to show that you care for them and are not using them. [Read: 50 sweet, caring ways to make your man feel special, appreciated & loved]
13. She Openly Flirts
Openly flirting with other guys when he’s around is a big no-no. This is a terrible show of disrespect and any woman who does this should be shoved into a snake-filled pit.
These slutty actions will make him wonder if you’re using him just to pay for drinks and to be the designated driver.
14. She Doesn’t Keep Her Promises
Another issue that will have guys questioning if their ladies are using them, is when they constantly fail to keep their promises.
It’ll give him the impression that you’re not taking anything seriously and that you couldn’t care less about him.
15. It’s Always About Her
Another surefire way to get a man to question if his lady love is using him is by making everything about you.
Relationships are a two-way street, and equal attention has to be paid to both parties. It can’t always be about one person, because that’s a definite way for the relationship to end in flames. [Read: Attention seeker: 25 signs, behavior & psychology of drama loving people]
16. She Avoids Serious Conversations
When a girl constantly dodges serious talks, especially about the relationship, it can leave a guy feeling undervalued and confused. It’s like she’s not willing to invest the same emotional energy he is, which can really sting.
This avoidance can make a guy question the future of the relationship and his role in it, leading to feelings of insecurity and neglect.
17. She Only Reaches Out When She Needs Something
This one’s a big red flag. If she’s all sweet and attentive when she needs a favor, but otherwise, he barely hears from her, it’s a clear sign of being used.
Guys can feel like tools in these scenarios, there just to serve a purpose and nothing more. A balanced relationship is about being there for each other, not just reaching out when it’s convenient or necessary.
18. She Disregards His Time and Efforts
Imagine a guy plans a special date or takes time to help her with something, but she barely acknowledges it or, worse, criticizes it. That kind of disregard can cut deep. It sends a message that his time and efforts aren’t valued, which is a surefire way to make someone feel hurt and used.
Appreciation is a two-way street, and when it’s missing, it can leave guys feeling unappreciated and questioning their worth in the relationship. [Read: Putting too much effort into a relationship: Where to draw the line]
19. She Compares Him to Other Men
Here’s one of those things that girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt: comparing your guy to other men. Whether it’s to exes, friends’ boyfriends, or even celebrities, pointing out how he doesn’t stack up can hit harder than you might think.
When you compare him unfavorably, it’s like saying he’s not good enough just being himself, which can make him feel seriously undervalued. It chips away at his self-esteem and can leave him feeling like he’s constantly in a competition he didn’t sign up for.
20. She Ignores His Emotional Needs
This might be one of the biggest things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt. If she’s indifferent to his feelings or emotional well-being, it’s a clear sign of disrespect.
Emotional support should be mutual in a relationship. When a guy feels like his emotional needs are consistently ignored, it can leave him feeling isolated and unimportant, thus, another one of those things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs it’s unmet & how to meet them]
Tips to Avoid Making Guys Feel Used and Hurt
You might be surprised, but you could be unknowingly doing some things that make your guy feel used and hurt. Let’s change that! Here are some straightforward tips to foster healthier interactions in your relationship:
1. Embrace Active Listening
Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. It’s about understanding his perspective and showing that his feelings matter.
When he talks, give him your full attention, nod, and respond appropriately. This shows you value what he has to say and you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak. Remember, good communication is a two-way street. [Read: Ways to be a much better listener in a relationship & read their mind]
2. Initiate Conversations About the Relationship
Don’t wait for him to always bring up ‘relationship talks’. Take the initiative sometimes as it shows him you’re equally invested in the health of your relationship.
Discuss what’s going well and what needs improvement. This proactive approach can prevent feelings of neglect and ensures both your needs are addressed.
3. Show Genuine Interest in His Life
As much as you like sharing about your day and the latest drama with Rosie from your office, don’t forget to also ask about his day, his interests, and his worries.
When he shares, make sure you’re showing genuine care and interest. It’s not just about listening, but also about engaging with his experiences. By doing so, you make him feel valued and understood, not just another part of your routine.
4. Respect His Independence
Remember, even in a relationship, everyone needs their space. Respecting his independence—whether it’s time with friends, a hobby, or just some alone time—is crucial.
It doesn’t mean you care any less, it means you understand and respect his need for personal space. By supporting his time alone or with others, you’re showing that you value his individuality and the other parts of his life that make him happy. [Read: Spirited steps to be independent in a relationship & love better]
5. Avoid Using Him as an Emotional Crutch
While it’s great to rely on each other, there’s a fine line between support and dependency. Make sure you’re not turning to him only during emotional crises.
Both partners need to maintain emotional resilience. Balance is key – be there for each other but also learn to manage your emotions independently.
6. Acknowledge and Appreciate His Efforts
Whether he’s planned a date or helped you with something, a simple ‘thank you’ goes a long way. Acknowledgment and appreciation make him feel seen and valued.
Positive reinforcement strengthens your bond and encourages a healthy cycle of mutual respect and gratitude.
7. Be Clear About Your Expectations and Needs
Unclear expectations can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of being used. Be open about what you expect from the relationship and understand his expectations too. This clarity will avoid unnecessary confusion and help you both navigate the relationship more effectively. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs it’s unmet & how to meet them]
8. Share Responsibilities
As we mentioned above, one of the things girls do that can make a guy feel used and hurt is when he always pays. Sharing responsibilities, whether it’s paying for dates, making plans, or handling household chores, demonstrates that you both are equal partners.
A balance in duties prevents feelings of unfairness or being taken for granted. By showing that you’re in this together, you reinforce the partnership aspect of your relationship, ensuring both parties feel valued and equally invested.
9. Avoid Unnecessary Comparisons
Refrain from comparing him to others, be it exes or friends’ partners. Comparisons can be damaging to his self-esteem and your relationship. Focus on what makes your relationship unique and valuable. Celebrate your journey together instead of holding it up against someone else’s.
10. Encourage His Dreams and Ambitions
Supporting his dreams and being his cheerleader can significantly boost his confidence and sense of self-worth. Show interest in his goals and encourage him. This level of support shows that you care about his happiness and success, not just in the context of the relationship but as an individual. [Read: 47 best compliments for guys & how to do it subtly and make him desire you]
Awareness is Key
Sometimes we don’t realize that our actions might be making our partners feel used and hurt. It’s really important to keep the lines of communication open, so you can both talk about what’s making you happy and what’s not.
[Read: 42 happy & naughty ways to keep a relationship exciting, fun & fresh]
At the end of the day, awareness is the key. By recognizing and addressing the things girls do that make a guy feel used and hurt, you lay the groundwork for a stronger, more empathetic bond. It’s about being mindful of each other’s needs and feelings. When you start from a place of understanding and respect, you’re setting up your relationship for lasting happiness and mutual satisfaction.
The post 30 Things Girls Do That Make a Guy Feel Used and Hurt & Tips to Avoid Them is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.